I’m not facing the whole world alone like many others, because we have family, we have friends. Who can say you are alone, like really alone. If you are, you must be blind, deaf etc. Those who cant see, who cant hear who cant whatever are so much better than you. I think I’m really fortunate that I have this omg so rare illness. Even the doctors in Thailand said I’m a rare species. Whoo~ I’m going to be extinct! I oways love to brag about my illness, because it’s the only thing that I know more than anyone else other than the cardiologist who checked on me. Plus we don’t get to see rare species walking around everywhere and everyday. We are special man! I’m so proud of that! It’s sometimes hilarious to actually see the expressions of people when I told them I have this illness. I mean it’s not the shock kind, it’s more like, are-you-for-real kind of face. There are many other expressions though. They always interest me and make me wanna start my engine with my OH WOW condition.

People with illness, people with something missing out of their lives, all these serves as encouragement, don’t they? So ya I might just be noble and inspire people, HOHOHO. Like that will happen? ha! But come to think about it, it really does. I mean, not me but other people. Look at those missing a leg, swimming for the Olympics. They make you cry, sure they are so poor thing but I think we the ones who are crying are poorer. They are so much happier with those smiles on their face. They fulfill their dreams and wth are we these good-for-nothings doing in our chair everyday msn-ing/blogging`. Yes I’m one useless chap, really I am!

Despite being useless, I did learn to look at things differently thanks to my “damaged” heart. Like how I don’t regret dying even if I might just get a fatal heart attack the following day. I’m well prepared everyday. My family would be sad but they will understand, since like it’s common for my case. Sometimes I think living is much worse than dying. Ok I know its bad to think that way. But I think although living for only 20 short years, I didn waste my life. I have been to places, I have studied, I did wad I love, design or arts. Although I didn’t do anything like wow remarkable but those little things add up to make me feel great. Life is about living happy anyways. Fortunately I did grew up, maybe, and learn that many people care for me and love me. Unlike last time I took everything for granted. I thought my parents were always bias towards other people and was never me. I might even smoke, drink, gamble or worse take drugs given my spoilt personality. It’s really sad that I have to learn, or maybe learn is the wrong word, grew to realize that my parents and many others love me. And not realizing it earlier, being a spoilt child, having my parents getting worried all over, crying for me etc.

I’m really blessed with my life! Imagine I have this bomb and fixing it realllllly cost a bomb, and I’m born in a family where I dont have to worry abt not having 3meals a day.

My mum, whom I was oways thought she only loves my brother when I was young. The person whom we all shld thank everyday not only on our birthday. She have live her life behind shadows of my granny, my dad. Listening to everything she was told to do and have to do. She never complained and never had the chance to do so. She was born in a family where politics almost suffocate her. The stress was leveled up when my dad was jobless and was later diagnosed with risk of heart failure. She coax her husband everyday without fail to get an operation. Hiding the truth from her husband tt her beloved daughter is getting an operation. She stayed with me every single day never leaving my side. After my operation, it was hell for me but it was even worse for her. She didn get any sleep at all. Her face shrunk, she lost more weight than I did. Her face was no longer red or pink, it was pale yellow. Every sound I made, she would stand up and check on me.

My dad worked hard under the sun, piling up sand just to earn every cent to provide for my family and I. he smokes everyday thinking why cant he quit so that those money can be save up for my family. The more he thinks the more he smokes. Thinking of money money and nothing but money so tt the bills are paid, my brother and I are able to study, my mum having pocket money for shopping. He hates vege, hates praying, hates chanting. He never fail to cry watching a sad love story. He almost fainted after I came out of the operating room, back in 2004. Though he wasn’t with me in Bangkok, for my 2nd operation, because he was too afraid, he did not cry. Instead he prayed, he chanted, he ate one whole day of vegetarian without complains.

My granny, whose already over 60 years old still worrying abt me and yet I oways talk back to her. She loves every single one of us more than she loves herself. She have joint problems yet she is willing and determined to walk the extra mile for her children and her grandchildren, esp me. She stayed with me every single day after my operation. Nagging and never stop nagging. I grew to get used to her nagging and strangely loving it. It’s a sign tt she is still healthy and will always be. She’s like a general leading us in doing good deeds, in turn better lives. I’m one example. She donated large amount of money in my name. I’m just a 20 year old!

My grandpa, whom I lied to. He wanted to tag along but he didn’t know about my operation too. And because of his weak heart, nobody dared to sound a word. Therefore we all came up with a pack of lies just to tell him I am fine, I m just going for the usual checkup etc. Then somebody let the cat out of the bag, unintentionally of course. So I had a long overseas phonecall with my grandpa. At the beginning he didn sound a word about knowing my situation. So I asked, “Gong gong, you know already isit?” He answered saying, “Ya! I know~ Bangkok very peaceful now no riots” etc etc. then I told him it isn’t about this matter, he then exclaimed, “YA! U lied to me!!!” I burst out in tears immediately and kept apologizing. Till now, I feel guilty over lying to an old man, my grandfather.

My brother, the sometimes, arrogant, unreasonable, fierce and over-protective member of my family, promised he would buy me a gift and so I must be strong and brave when I’m being pushed into the operating room. Crying in the army due to a phone call when he was training in tekong. Imagine those who don’t know the story, pin-pointing him, calling him a sissy. Always willing to give his share to me when he himself is already starving. Mop the floors, wash dishes, wash clothes, cook for the family. Although complains but never fail to do a good job. No matter how many times we always fought or quarreled, we always ended the cold war within 24 hours because he still loves his sister, also his mother and his father and everybody.

My godmother, praying everyday, saving not only my life, but many others. Giving her blessings to everyone and bearing the hardship all by herself. My 2nd uncle, earning yet giving much more so that hospital fees are paid, so that I have the chance to go pray in china. My aunts and uncles, whom I have no blood relation, took care of me when I was in Bangkok. Providing food, shelter, most imptly love and care. My family, friends, teachers, who prayed for me, who cared for me. Theres just way to many ppl I have to mention, THANK YOU ALL V V V MUCH!

This maybe old fashion but I’m still gonna say it. Like I said, it was never me, myself and i. Without these people, HOW M I GOING TO SURVIVE?!!!! I’m really blessed. Compared to those who suffered, I’m nothing. Although I’m “richer”, but I’m so much poorer than many others. They have no money and yet they have to work their ass off to keep themselves alive. They are richer in knowledge, richer in knowing how to take responsibilities etc. Sometimes I wonder, who am I in my past life. I must be a hell-ass freak doing all sorts of bad things, that’s why I got this rare thing in me, and yet what good thing I did after to make me meet so many wonderful people in my current life. This really is the greatest question mark I ever had. If only I knew, huh? Then I wont waste my time repeating this question to myself.

September 2007 . October 2007 . November 2007 . December 2007 . January 2008 . February 2008 . March 2008 . April 2008 . May 2008 . June 2008 . July 2008 . August 2008 . September 2008 . October 2008 . November 2008 . December 2008 . January 2009 . February 2009 . March 2009 . April 2009 . May 2009 . June 2009 . July 2009 . August 2009 . September 2009 . October 2009 . November 2009 . December 2009 . January 2010 . March 2010 . May 2010 . July 2010 . July 2011 . August 2011 . January 2012 . August 2012 . September 2012 . October 2012 . December 2012 . January 2013 . April 2013 . June 2013 . July 2013 .

\\aida   \\alyssa   \\audrey   \\celeste   \\can wen   \\charlene tan   \\charlene lim   \\danielle   \\daniel   \\erny   \\eileen   \\esmond   \\felicia   \\hong ging   \\husna   \\hyewon   \\jewelry   \\jason   \\jolyn   \\joyce   \\jonathan lim   \\jin hui   \\janice   \\jonathan neo   \\jessica   \\jiaming   \\jiapei   \\jiaqi   \\kai hoow   \\kah wei   \\kim ann   \\kimberly   \\kwen   \\lucinda   \\liyana   \\looeng   \\mai   \\meiyi   \\maurice   \\nicholas   \\nana   \\nicklaus   \\nettez   \\nicole   \\oliver   \\richard   \\ruby   \\suyee   \\shixiang   \\syaipul   \\shu fen   \\summer   \\shu fei   \\stella   \\serene   \\tobias   \\thomas   \\thomas lin   \\wen fang   \\wen zhuang   \\wei ying   \\xiaobin   \\xiaofang   \\yewking   \\zhiyang   \\zaiyong   \\zhi ying