i decided to make a new post regarding my previous post. & pls bear with me for those hu are interested in reading. its really long long long.
to "afriend", first of all, thanks for your concern. i reckon u tagged my board cos i was harsh in some way or u disagree with my opinions . I LOVE THAT- some one is willing to speak up and disagree with me like i have mentioned in point 2. you just shoot wad u want to shoot. i really like tt ! but for some reason i think you didn really interact with me alot to make some comments which u think is right. but nvm read on.... oya, btw, right now i m in a cool mood.
yes! i do admit i fit into some criterias. for example point 3 about the attitude. i have attitude problem, really i do. & cos of that i made my previous post. but having tot of that, when ppl are angry, we oso tend to let it out in a unpleasant manner. & also cos i m at angry mode when i made the post, i admit i can be somehow bias. i apologise for that. but regarding the attitude problem, from wad i recall, this semester i dun give ppl attitude problem unless people give me. or rather i am sensitive. friends who know i m like that would understand. but i dun think you know that i m quite a sensitive person huh?~{i oso not sure this consider related to sensativity ma~} for such situations, i will use the an eye for an eye method when its really unbearable. cos i really think i dun deserve it. i dun have the rights to show anyone attitude, same goes to anybody else too. esp when, i m not nicely corrected of my wrong doings & ppl are giving me attitude to tell me i m at the wrong. when someone is kind enf to tell me nicely that i'm at the wrong, i am willing to hear it. its oso a form of respect. {as mentioned in response/relation to point 10, 11 & 15. i will try my best to improve on my flaws} in addition, it takes time. & i do, do self reflection. when i m wrong, i scold myself for being foolish in addition when saying other ppl are at the wrong, i will think did i make the same mistake or wadever. i can say that not much of my frens know i do self reflection. even friends hu seems close knows nothing abt this, seriously. for those close friends(hu really really know me), when i complain to them abt my troubles and other ppl, i will ask them for their opinion, asking them if i did the same/wrong thing of that other ppl. i can oso proudly say, i do not backstab ppl or say ppl bad things behind their backs. things i shldn say i wont say. also, ppl are creatures who altho we oways say everybody shld be treated equally wadsoever, we do not do tt. we are still bias in some ways. like "A" is close to "B", surely they will side to their close buddies. i think that is y ppl are considered "spamming" on my board are arguing with "afriend". so we cant backstab or say bad things abt ppl because u are not to one level that tt someone is willing to open up to. to say the truth i was being backstabbed before. but i m still treating that someone kindly. i still help that someone as much as i could. just that in my mind, i know n i rmb how i was treated and wad kind of person that backstabber is to me. how shld i balance my level of trust towards that someone. right? in addition, his or her treatment towards me oso act as a lesson for me. y tt person treat me like dis when i put so much of my trust on him or her. isit maybe his/her side of story which i dun know? so this makes me think again. u dun know my side of story either, why would you want to backstab me? lie to me, hurt me & to the extend bring my level of trust towards somebody str8 to zero. i dunno if you guys understand wad i m trying to say but do approach me if u dun understand.
wah, lol, very long leh . . i shall move on then. sry 2 make u read so long de stuff.
> afriend: so what happens if we do good deeds anonymously, are we being "untruthful"
good deeds come from deep inside our hearts, good deeds require not much thinking in one sense. and oso we dun find reasons for helping. or maybe there is one. which is "WE JUST WANT TO HELP~ ITS THE RIGHT THING~" & we ask for no return. &the "untruthful"is how ppl c you. from what i c from those i helped {not all ar~} they have a reason and its towards the negative part. and y i say abt being fake is that. y there are some ppl whom i know or even i trust, come to me ONLY when they need help. ONLY because task assigned to them are not done properly or they simply dun want to do it. they just push away those responsiblities, push away those things that they need to do. y is this so when i think that things u have to do, DO IT~ & how i c it?~ i'm working my ass off & they are the ones hu are enjoying themselves seeing me suffer, seeing more load piled on top of me. is not that i feel so sour seeing ppl enjoying n i m suffering. it happens in like alot of situations. example, a proj team, everyone have their job. &y is this someone not doing his or her job. giving me crap & expecting me to make changes for them when i m strugglin trying to cope trying to do my job well. usually i think only the smart ppl are taken advantage of, but it dun seem that way anymore. when ppl see ur value, they use it to their advantage. this is so fake! when they are like pls o pls help me. cos i cant this i cant that bla bla bla. wadever, its like wad i hv mentioned, not carrying out ones responsiblities.
erm to "afriend", like you said u n i are friends, i think you shld have confident in me & also to yourself that u can reveal your identity n our friendship remains. to me it sounds like i m the petty one hu cant take criticism or wadever. but if u take my previous sentence as a action to lure you out. its fine with me. i respect your privacy cos i really treasure your courage in telling me. i really respect that! cos i m someone hu ppl, to me i think, are afraid of. i dunno y, but i can sense the fear. like i so fragile or whatever.
& may i ask which are the points which i seem to be unaware of. cos when i bring myself to post that post, i really think thru then post. but u can prove me wrong. your comments and objections are most welcomed!
abt that perfection thingy. no ones perfect. or maybe they can be? u never know. its the same thing as saying nothing is impossible. to me its in one mind, if u want something done, with strong determination, it can be done. like for example, i have friends complaining they sucks in art&craft, they dun paint well wadever, but if they really put their heart into doing something, and wanting to produce the result they want, they can surely accomplish that. &true enf they did it ! &here i have to apologise because, i can say i dun want to be perfect because, it takes too much time in addition its tiring & it seriously take alot of determination which is sth that i lack of. but i think you mention abt the perfection thingy is due to my first point > "a promise is a promise. dun promise if u cant do it & then find excuses saying humans are not perfect." for wad i think, promise has got nothing to do with humans being not perfect. because to me promise is a very strong word, it implies sth that one must do cos one made tt promise to someone impt. but i got replies saying abt "human are not perfect" when they broke a promise. i think it really had a big impact on me thus i mention it.
& "afriend" i know you care abt me. my friends do to. so pls its bad for me to see frens of mine arguing over sth which i said or did. so i hope u dun blame my friends, & i m sure my friends wont blame you too. oso "afriend: "dun make me shout it str8 at your face. you wont like dat!" i dun think she will it as well" hmm, i can really tell tt u didn really interact with me much. cos i have shouted at ppl b4. i really explode b4. just that i dun think u have seen me this way b4. &true enf i wont like it when i blow my top. but for me, if its really too overboard or i cant handle the stress anymore, its unevitable {did i spell correct? if wrong pls tell me}. i rmb-ed from previous experiences when i exploded. i cried after that cos i was so afraid of myself for that moment. cursing myself for doing things so foolishly and oso not being able to control my feelings. but all dese came after that. cos i really cant control, cant push that pressure down, without any tot, i just errupted~ i admit this is sth that no one shld pick up. peace is wad we wanted. but there are some things that just dun go our way to the extend its in our mind for so long, its piling up more n more till we cannot tahan anymore.
lastly, i would like to thank everybody for your care & concern u showed me. for telling me where i went wrong. i really appretiate that.
oya, if you think i m talking crap, nvm just shoot or wadever. tellme~~~ now at the end i oso dunno wad i typed but dun really want to crtl-all-delete. some more i got things to do that haven do~ die die die~~~ but really THANKS THANKS THANKS ! LOVE YER ALL~